Monday, November 20, 2006

That Guy You Went Home With Last Night Gave You Rabies Day!

As far as you knew, he was just a nervous guy drinking alone on a Sunday night while soused revelers were partying all around him. You didn't know he had been cleaning his basement earlier that day and when he reached behind the water heater he got bit by a raccoon. The warning signs were there you suppose. As the night wore on, his movements grew more and more jerky and he sort of started growling. And he kind of spat when he talked. Though he didn't really start foaming at the mouth until you were in bed together. Once in bed, he really turned furious. Not just the nibbles on your skin, but he would bury his head in your shoulder like he was trying to shove your bone out of its socket with his forehead. And afterwards, he just got dressed and took off. You thought he was just that type, but you now know he must have needed to rush off and find something fleshy to tear apart in his teeth.

You just had defrosted some hamburger and ate it raw with your hand. You can't stop drooling all over yourself, and you're kind of barking. You made a date to go see Volver with Laura, but you'd better cancel. Tell her that guy you went home with last night gave you rabies. Laura will tell you that that happened to her once and that the guy ended up taking her to the hospital and held her hand while she got her shots. That will make you feel more alone than ever. When Laura asks you if you need her to go to the hospital with you, you'll lie and tell her that the guy you went home with last night is taking you. You could use Laura's company, but you and her are always kind of competing and you don't want her to know that the guy who gave her rabies cared more about her than the guy who gave you rabies cared about you.

Happy That Guy You Went Home With Last Night Gave You Rabies Day!