Thursday, August 10, 2006

There Is No 'I Won't Fuck My Boss' In TEAM Day!

Productivity is way down, and your refusal to have sex with your boss is way up. Coincidence?

Your coworkers don't think so. Ever since you got hired they've been having trouble getting through to him because he's too busy thinking about how great it would be to be inside you. They'll be trying to get his approval on a particular proposal or sorting out a break in team vision that threatens to stall an entire initiative, and when they pause and allow him to weigh in, hopefully with the kind of leadership that can put everybody back on track, all he'll offer is something like, 'Did you see the waistband of her panties poking up from her slacks today? Wow!' Or in his more despondent moments, 'Dear God what will it take to prove to this woman that I am her boss and she should do as I say?!'

Frankly, your coworkers can't believe how selfish you're being. It's like you believe that you are more important than the stability of the office, a stability that can be brought about with five frantic minutes in the supplies closet. They're going to approach you today with their concerns. Listen to them, for they are only interested in making this company the greatest child safety car seat manufacturer in the land. They'll make the case plain and clear: If their leader is distracted, faulty assemblage will go unchecked and babies will be thrown from their car seats and die. All because you think you're too special to give the man just a little bit of your affection. 'There is no 'I won't fuck my boss' in TEAM' they'll tell you. But there could be some 'I didn't realize my stuck-up attitude would kill your child' in 'Oh dear God how can I ever live with myself for the pain I've caused to millions of grieving parents?'

You make the choice. Are you a team player? Or a baby killer? Think about it.

Happy There Is No 'I Won't Fuck My Boss' In TEAM Day!