Saturday, May 01, 2004

She Wishes Morrissey And Marr Could've Tried To Work It Out Day!

It starts in a car when How Soon Is Now? gets going and everyone just wants to keep quiet and look out the window and watch trees fly by. It's late and it's winter and the driver's drunker than Dave and Mary, both asleep in the backseat. Karen's awake and dreamy-dumb like she always is. Karen never lets things happen the way they should. She thinks there could've been more records.

"They were just so good," is the extent of her argument.

Karen can't get what is obvious to the rest of us. Even you, the stupid dumb reader, can hear the sleep-deprived petulance that makes Strangeways such an unpleasant listen. It was over, in a big angry way. Karen thinks her favorite rock bands should go on making her favorite records forever and ever.

"Wouldn't it be great if there were like ten more albums that we never heard before?"

Yeah, great Karen. Just fucking awesome. How Soon Is Now? ended two minutes ago and no one got to hear it because she couldn't just wander off into the million mile plain of a car ride that everyone else can explore just fine without running their fucking mouths off about shit that's just wrong.

"And what have they done since then? Nothing nearly as good."

You can't take it anymore. If she says one more thing, you're going to have to say something and the tone in your voice will send her to bed as soon as you get back into the house and you'll just end up drinking on the couch in front of HBO. Which doesn't sound so bad honestly. But wait until she says something else. Maybe she won't say anything at all.

"They broke up too soon."

"No they fucking didn't. They broke up just in time. Death Of A Disco Dancer for god's sake. Or Paint A vulgar Picture if it's not obvious enough. Come the fuck on. They were over and done with and Viva Hate was one of the most logical progressions from great band into adequate solo effort in music ever. Come on Karen."

Karen's quiet now. And Dave and Mary are awake in the backseat. You're the big dick of the winter car ride.

"Bands can't go on forever is all I mean."

Nice save dickhead.

Happy She Wishes Morrissey And Marr Could've Tried To Work It Out Day!