Jimmy, Age 9, Waterslide Hotshot Day!

No one thinks you can do it Jimmy. It looks like a desperate move to remain relevant. It looks like you got something to prove.

"If this story's gotta end, might as well give it a big finale."

But Jimmy, it's suicide.

"Maybe. Or maybe it'll be the biggest thing to every cascade down those tubes."

C'mon Jimmy, you had a good run and you got a lot ahead of you. The waterslide is a little kid's sport. So what if Dayton McAfree—

"DON'T…ever say that name to me again."

Let go of my neck Jimmy.

"Sorry."

He's a good kid Jimmy. He's got talent.

"He's got a knack for gimmicks is what he's got. Trying to beat the record in a sandpaper wetsuit."

Yeah, but he beat it.

"With no respect for the slippery!"

Jimmy, really, don't do it.

"I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna climb the tubes and jump three different slides in one turn before I hit the splash pool."

And you're really gonna tie ten pound weights to every limb?

"You bet your motherfuckin' ass."

You want your finale to take place in the emergency room?

"My finale's gonna be in the splash pool. And it's gonna be painted on the faces of every last one of you who didn't think I had it in me anymore. I only got about sixty or seventy summers left. Better make this one count."

I'll be waiting at the bottom Jimmy.

"With some peanut butter sandwiches?"

And sliced bananas.

"Thanks Mom."

Happy Jimmy, Age 9, Waterslide Hotshot Day!