Dress On Fire Day!
If it's a non-flammable fabric, dip it in some kerosene. If it's flammable, you might want to put a little bit of kerosene down at the hem, just to make sure the flame catches. You gotta make sure it goes up like a wick. There can't be any delays. Just like tonight you're not gonna waste time with "How you been?"
Get your arms out from your sides, flex the fingers of your zipper hand, then light the match. With a breath, focus. You know what to do.
There's a wallop in your ears and you're on fire. Four feet of flame from your knees to the top of your head. Four movements, zipper down, off the left, off the right shoulder, step away from the pile on the floor. You're naked and you're safe. 3 seconds.
That's good. You don't want to go any longer than that when you get to Sam's hotel room tonight. He's only in town for a couple of days and you can't be wasting five and six seconds with a dress all over you getting in the way.
Happy Dress On Fire Day!