Saturday, January 16, 2016

New Dad Day!

You’re a new dad, which means everyone’s counting on you to not fuck up. So put the gun down.

“Will you just let me go?”

The bank manager says for the sake of your new baby daughter, yes, he’ll let you walk out the door if you don’t hurt anyone.

“What about the police outside?”

The police chief says into his megaphone that if you leave the money and you don’t hurt anybody and you promise to be there for that little angel, they’ll look the other way.

“What about the Feds?”

The FBI agents in the helicopters hovering over the bank call in on their dedicated line and tell you they have terrorists to catch. They don’t want to waste time keeping a new dad from his little girl.

“Okay,” you say. “Here I go.”

You put down your gun. You walk out the door of the bank. You walk all the way to the hospital. You kiss your baby on her forehead. You begin your life as a new dad, focused on taking care of your daughter and honoring the agreements you made with law enforcement.

That REALLY worked out!

Happy New Dad Day!