Thursday, July 05, 2007

You Weigh 800 Pounds Day!

You are an 800 pound person and you have a murder to solve. One of your three home health aides was stabbed in the back in his home, just a day after he asked you to hold onto a box for him. He shoved the box under the bed, left at the end of his shift, went home and got killed. Today you’re going to have another of your home health aides open up the box, and you’ll find a pile of birth certificates inside. It’s clear that your dead home health aide knew something about a black market baby trafficking ring, and you have to find out who decided he had to be eliminated.

The trouble is, you can’t get out of bed without the help of a intricate system of ropes. You also have to eat three whole chickens per lunchtime, which takes a good two hours. And most of your skin is red and tender, so you can’t dress in anything heavier than wet linen. But your home health aide trusted you. You can’t let his death be in vain. Take your gargantuan ass to the streets and find out who’s selling babies. Whoever it is, they are about to experience the burden of 800 pounds of justice.

You’re going to be gone for at least the whole morning, so pack a bag of meatballs.

Happy You Weigh 800 Pounds Day!