Monday, July 23, 2007

Just Trying To Buy Some Stereo Components Day!

Today you need to buy some stereo components, including a tweeter, but there’s that little problem of you blowing the big game against Jefferson back you when you were a field goal kicker in high school.

The man who sells the items (called a “salesman” in the Circuit City industry) will approach you with a wide smile. Get it all out of the way.

“Before you begin your pitch, the answer is yes, my name is [YOUR NAME] and at only eighteen yards I blew the big field goal kick that could have finally buried those smug bastards at Jefferson back in 1990. But I had a lot on my mind. My father had been entered into a psychiatric hospital the night before. He was bipolar.”

The salesman, still smiling, will say, “Hey I knew I recognized you! Don’t you worry about all that crud. Your Daddy okay now?”

Shake your head no. The salesman will try to look sorry for you while still maintaining that big smile on his face. Then he’ll direct you to the components that you’re looking for. He’ll sell you on something slightly more expensive than you wanted, but he’ll make you believe that the price is worth it.

A week later, after many hours of listening, you’ll realize that these stereo components you purchased were not at all worth the higher price. You’ll call the Circuit City and ask for the salesman who helped you.

“I said I was sorry, dammit!” you’ll shout when he comes to the phone. “My father was ill. He’s gone now. Isn’t that enough for you people?”

“Most of those kids in those bleachers didn’t even have Daddies to give a damn about!” the salesman will shout back. “You walk into my store holding a big pile of excuses for ruining my high school spirit, well then you’ll walk out holding a big pile of overpriced, shit-ass components, including that tweeter which has been known to set some of the thicker carpeting on fire. Go Edgemont!”

Then he’ll hang up. And you’ll go back into your living room and listen to your shitty stereo system, accepting your punishment, and wondering why God had to go and make your Dad sick. Why your Dad?

Happy Just Trying To Buy Some Stereo Components Day!