Monday, October 02, 2006

Learn Sign Language Day!

You've always had bad luck with women, so you decided to learn sign language. This way when you're in a room with some deaf girls, you can watch them talk to each other and see if any of them say that they think you're cute. The way you see it, deaf people always think they're the only people who know sign language in the whole place, as is evident by how broadly they let their hands fly about when they talk in public, as if there's no chance in heck that anyone in the room might understand what they're saying. Also, your success rate is so bad you need to be able to communicate with as many women as possible if you ever want to touch one again.

You graduated from sign language school last night, and today is your first day of utilizing your newfound ability to eavesdrop on the deaf. You'll go to Starbucks and wait a few hours before a group of deaf girls finally sits down. You'll watch their conversation out of the corner of your eye, trying to sit at an angle that allows them to get a good look at you. Most of their conversation will focus on how much being deaf sucks. But eventually one of them will notice you and she'll start talking to the others about you. She'll say, 'I would never go out with that 500 pound man with a tracheotomy tube sticking out of his throat and the giant swastika tattoo on his forearm. But that's just me.' The other deaf girls will reply, 'Us neither. It's good that we're all in agreement on this.'

You'll want to kick yourself for having spent $300 on sign language lessons just to find out that deaf girls are a bunch of superficial asswipes.

Happy Learn Sign Language Day!