Monday, October 23, 2006

Convince The Sheriff To Let You Go Free Day!

Lotta people wanna kill me. If they find out you got me locked up in here they'll kill you too. Just to get to me.

Part of the job, says the Sheriff.

I'll suck your cock.

No thank you, says the Sheriff.

I know where there's some gold. I'll take you out there tonight and you and me can split it fifty-fifty.

You can't buy your freedom.


You're gonna be tried and hanged.


That don't add up.

We'll set aside ten for a big night on the town because if you set me free and we go off looking for gold together, I think you're gonna find that in me you've got one hell of a devoted and caring friend. Even through these bars, with you holding that key, I can feel the connection between us. Unlock this cell and open your heart to friendship Sheriff. You don't have many friends do you? Sheriff can't make too many friends what with that badge shining in everybody's eyes. But I'm different, Sheriff. I see the heart underneath that badge. Unlock this cell and let your friend come near.

Uh uh.

I'll suck your cock. Did I offer that already?

You did indeed.

And what was your answer?

I declined, horse-thief.

No one ever said no to this mouth before, Sheriff. Who do you think you are?

I think I'm the man responsible for getting you before the judge on time. I do what I'm paid to do.


You ain't got any gold.

I'm hurt.


How do you know I wasn't framed?

You turned yourself in.

Ninety-five ' Five.

I said no thank you.

I guess it's right that you keep me locked up. My whole life, no one ever gave me any special treatment. My Mom and Dad didn't give me no second chances when I let our pig wander off. Right the next day they went out and made me join the circus. But the circus wouldn't let me do nothing but clean up after the elephants. I auditioned. I auditioned for every part they had open, but they'd say no thanks each time. I'd say, gimme a second chance. They'd say, no second chances for you. So I turned to murder and thievery.


Don't be like the circus, Sheriff. Gimme a second chance.

No can do.

You can suck my cock if you want.

I'm good.

Did I already offer that?

You offered to take care of me.

Well you can take care of me if you like.

That's kind of you, but I have to decline.

There's no one more stubborn than an honest man.

Let's just enjoy the time we have together, horse-thief.

(You both stop talking. You listen to the sound the room makes with the two of you together in it. It's like you're both trying to burn that sound into memory.)

Happy Convince The Sheriff To Let You Go Free Day!