Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Jesus Wants You To Sing 'Hot Blooded' By Foreigner At Karaoke Day!

Tonight at the Korean barbecue slash Karaoke bar, while the Karaoke DJ is searching for your song, make sure to give a shout-out to the man who made the whole night possible. 'Whenever I get on stage I'm singing for just one man. The Lord.' Explain to the waiting crowd of strangers that Jesus is the reason you're there tonight, that he's the reason you're anywhere at all really. 'He makes it all possible.'

If the song is still loading, be sure to dedicate your song to 'a very special woman named Kara.' The crowd will applaud just a bit, so you should add, 'I want to ask her to marry me tonight.' That will make the crowd explode in applause and they'll all look around for the lucky girl. Explain, 'Oh no she's not in the room. But later when I see her, I'm going to pop the question.' In 2002 you went on three dates with Kara, before you started calling constantly and she was forced to change her phone number and her brother wrote you a letter warning you that you had to stop calling or they'd have to 'do something.' You haven't dated anyone since.

If you still have time, pretend that you have friends or coworkers in the room and start making fun of them. 'This is taking longer than Charlie's bathroom breaks at the office, isn't that right Charlie?' The crowd will laugh and it will feel good to have made the room think you have acquaintances who will go out in public with you.

Finally, 'Hot Blooded' by Foreigner will start to play. You'll mostly speak the lyrics because you are much more about the choreography and the stage antics than you are about the voice. When the song is finished, stand near the bar for several hours drinking diet soda.

Happy Jesus Wants You To Sing 'Hot Blooded' By Foreigner At Karaoke Day!