Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Taking That Magician's Assistant Job Has Really Helped Your Marriage Day!

Every day before leaving for work your husband grabs you tight, peers deep into your eyes and says, "If anything happens to you today, if you get sawed in half or are made to disappear and never come back, I want you to know that when I married you I became the luckiest guy on the planet." Then he makes love to you as if for the last time.

It's cruel to him. The hours when you're at work might as well be hours you spend on an operating table. He sits at home waiting for word that you're okay. He searches internet medical sites for predictions of the likelihood of a person surviving six swords being driven through her body (it doesn't look good). Sometimes his parents come over to bring him food and keep him from going stir crazy.

You could just tell him about the fake legs in the box or the secret door in the back of the wardrobe, but then when you come home he might not run to take you in his arms and cover you in kisses. He might not make love to you like the very act is a celebration in honor of God allowing the two of you to have another day.

You see the difference on your nights off. He settles in on the couch and watches his TV and you open up your book. Any effort towards intimacy he'll usually thwart by saying he's too full from dinner. You used to have both your nights off back to back and by the second night he'd have aged twenty years. You switched up your schedule immediately. Making him think you knock on death's door every day is what keeps him young. It holds his attention squarely on you.

As long as the Amazing Ramon keeps raking them into the dinner theater, you'll be right there in his pine box pretending to be dismembered. And the crowd will walk out thrilled and warmed, because not only is the magician a dazzling wonder, but the magician's assistant is clearly a very happily married woman.

Happy Taking That Magician's Assistant Job Has Really Helped Your Marriage Day!