Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Everybody Wants A Piece Of You Day!

Today you should get away from all the groupies and the hangers on and the cousins looking for bail money and just go and live in a dumpy little apartment someplace in the middle of nowhere. Like Cincinnati. Anyone who ever made money off of you is gonna come looking for you, and if they made enough money, they'll find you most definitely. But when they get there, don't let them through the door. Just tell them to fly away if they ever want to make another dime out of your sweat. Don't watch the news because the broadcasts will feature people you thought were your friends brought on as guest experts to offer opinions on where you could be and whether you'll ever come out of hiding again. Just wait until the only one you still care about comes knocking. When she buzzes and you see her in the lobby's security camera, you're going to realize this was all for the best. She came looking for you. This was all for the best there ever could be. Of course, the minute you open your door around nine executives will burst through and kidnap you back to either New York or Los Angeles because the only one you ever cared about was bought by them to set a trap. Everybody wants a piece of you, and everybody can be bought.

Happy Everybody Wants A Piece Of You Day!