Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Man's At The Door Day!

Open it up. The Man is wearing a small white sweartshirt that reads: Varsity Muffdiving Champion. "If the muff's tough, we get ruff!"

"You're the Man?" ask him.

He'll nod. Then he'll punch you in the face.

"Where's the peanuts?!" he'll shout into the house. Your wife and daughter will run to find him the jar of peanuts from the cabinet. The Man will eat some of the peanuts. Then he'll watch a morning talk show and shout into the room that everyone on the talk show has got it wrong. Then he'll start to paint a wall. Then he'll ask you if you have a son.

Say, "Yes."

Then he'll ask if your son has a toy car racetrack.

Say, "Yes."

The Man will say, "Play me."

Stuff your nose up with tissue to stop the bleeding, then follow the Man into your son's bedroom and kneel down with him on either side of the small, oval electric car racetrack.

The Man will say, "Best of three. Winner buys dinner. I only race for meals."

You'll be the red car. The Man will be the blue. You'll win all three races. The man will complain that you cheated, and when you ask how one could cheat at racing a toy car around an electric track, the man will say that he's not going to buy you dinner and he'll deny ever having made the wager. Then he'll look at his watch.

"Your hour's up," he'll say. That's when you have to pay the Man his one hundred and seventy five dollars. The Man takes checks.

Happy The Man's At The Door Day!