Monday, January 02, 2006

Negligee Knife Fight Day!

You and your Mom both look way hot in a negligee. It's hard to say who looks hotter, in fact. Since you moved back into the house, every morning it's like a Victoria's Secret fashion show as you and her traipse around the kitchen in little wisps of hip length silk that make you both look just like raindrops on long, long legs. Then your Mom asks you if you have any job interviews set up, and you run off crying and change into some jeans.

Today your Mom is going to pass along news to you about a very successful former high school classmate of yours. That's when you'll point your butter knife at her and say, "Careful girl. Another word out of you and I'll be opening up that saggy chest of yours."

Your Mom will go stock still for about three seconds as she searches your eyes for a killer. Then the two of you will spring back with butter knives in hand, sending your chairs out from the table to slide up against the kitchen cabinets. You and your Mom are gonna have a good old fashioned negligee knife fight.

As you circle the kitchen in your negligees, jabbing into the air between you, it'll look so hot your father and three younger brothers will swoon.

"I'm sick of you needling me," you'll say to your mom, dancing around her lunges and feints. "You're jealous of me."

"I'm sick of you walking around trying to be the hottest one in the house," your Mom will say. She'll bring the knife close enough to your ear you'll hear a wisp of air. "Go get your own house and be hot in that."

Then, no more talking. Just knifing. Since you're using butter knives, you'll end just having to slap each other with the flat of the blades because those things can't slice. But you'll leave a lot of oblong red marks on each other's arms and cheekbones. When all is said and done, you and your Mom will have a newfound respect for each other. Your father will serve large dishes of ice cream and sit you both down to arrange a truce. It's recommended that you both honor it, for the good of the household.

Happy Negligee Knife Fight Day!