Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Mudfight Day!

Today your supervisor is going to tell you that you used up too much vacation time and you're going to have to wait for more time to accrue in your bank. Tell him that you're tired of him walking all over you and you want to settle this in the mud out back.

Due to poor landscaping, the lawn flanking the rear of your corporate plaza is turned into an expansive mud field with every rainfall. The company is in trouble so no funds can be allocated to better seed and shape the lawn. So it was decided 18 months ago that lemonade would have to be made from lemons.

"We'll use it to settle stuff," your CEO announced. "Like this budget measure. Ms. Loehmann, meet me in the mud."

Your CEO and his CFO had the first of many mudfights out there, and it was way hot. Ms. Loehmann even lost her white blouse and the blue bra underneath. But she beat the crap out of Mr. Grisham. The budget measure was voted in.

Mudfights seemed to take place at least once a week out there for a while, and it was suggested that a league be organized to rank the employees. That suggestion was scuttled as soon as a mail clerk was killed in a bout with a VP who was always calling down to the mailroom to see if his packages had arrived yet. The VP strangled the mail clerk with his tie. No charges were pressed (Code Of The Mud) but it was decided that no league should be instituted since the league would then have to regulate the fights and be responsible for deaths, whether accidental or intentional. The mud would only be used to resolve disputes.

The mud field is free at the moment, and you and your supervisor certainly have an issue in dispute.

"Let's go, Beancounter. I wanna bury your face in some brown," tell him.

"Think I'm scared?" he'll say.

Take a step closer and look directly in his eyes when you say, "You'd better be."

He really should be scared. You're so good in that mud puddle people have a nickname for you around the office. It's "Swamp Thing." Whenever you win they all sing the song "Wild Thing" as you walk back to the office, but they replace the word "Wild" with the word "Swamp." It's funny.

Happy Mudfight Day!