Monday, February 29, 2016

You’re The Governor Of A Whole Goddamned State Day!

“Fuck!” you shout. “I wanted to date more. Put myself out there. I can’t do that if a whole Goddamned state is looking to me every goddamned time they need shit.”

Your assistant gets up from her chair and slaps you across the face.

“I am sick of hearing you make excuses for why you’re still single!” she says. “So you’re the Governor. Big fucking deal. Everyone has a job. If you want to meet someone you have to make time to get out there and meet them! I won’t hear any of this ‘I’m too busy thwarting a public employee strike’ or whatever the fuck.”

You look deep into your assistant’s eyes.

“Maybe I don’t need to date,” you say. “Maybe the one I’m supposed to be with is right here under my nose, but I’ve just been too blind to–”

She slaps you again.

“You’re not going to pussy out of this,” she says. “You need to put in the work. Quit looking for the quick fix!”

“Fiiiiine!” you moan.

Your assistant clears your schedule and commands you to spend the next hour Tindering.

Happy You’re The Governor Of A Whole Goddamned State Day!