Tuesday, February 16, 2016

All Your Hostages Are In Love With You Day!

Your partner hangs up the phone with the FBI.

“They need three hostages.”

You pretend to not be listening.

“You go tell them or I will! Ask some of them to leave. You’ve got like nineteen guys back there.”

As you step into the vault you see their eyes light up.

“I need volunteers,” you say.

No one raises their hand.

“In honor of what we shared together?”

One raises his hand. “I’ll go. If the way to show my love for you is to leave you behind, then I’ll–”

“Fine, get your coat. Who else?”

Another raises his hand.

“We’ve only just gotten to know each other, yet it feels like we’ve known each other for years. So yes, I will honor our–”

“Great. One more. Come on. I promise to date you when I’m out of prison.”

Five hands go up. You pick the hottest one. Then you send the three volunteers out to where the police are waiting.

Back in the vault you can hear the racket. They’re writing songs about you, composing poems, screaming at God for making them meet you under such impossible circumstances.

“I might just go shoot them,” your partner says.

“Wait,” you say. “This one guy’s song about me sounds pretty good.”

Happy All Your Hostages Are In Love With You Day!