The news vans are parked on your lawn, waiting for your statement.
“Where did you find the porn?” you’ll be asked by Tooty Tong from Channel 6. “Did you find it on a schoolteacher’s computer? Being projected on the wall of day care center’s basement? Did a priest pass it to you while you were in a confessional?”
Tell her, “I found it on my computer.”
They’ll be unsure where you’re going with this.
“You guys,” say to them. “I think this thing is going to be big.”
Dak Drockman will push his mic through the crowd of shoulders.
“What kind of porn did you find?” he’ll ask. “Children? Politicians? A celebrity and some animals?”
“It was a man,” tell them. “And a woman. Both attractive, the woman exceptionally so, but in a kind of cheap way. They were completely naked, and they were definitely making love. I could see everything.”
The microphones will slowly lower from your face. The reporters will exchange glances. They’ll start to walk away, most likely to rush back to the studio to be the first to report on the man who discovered porn.
Go back inside and turn on your computer to see if the porn is still there. It will be, and you’ll notice a link underneath. Click it, then run outside to stop the reporters before they leave.
“You guys!” shout to them. “I found another one.”
They’ll stop in their tracks, turning to you in disbelief.
Tell them, “It’s spreading. This thing…this is gonna snowball.”
Happy You Discovered Porn Day!
