Sunday, February 05, 2012

Fistfight Over Leanne Day!

When you spot some random dude walking your old Corgi Leanne you run out of the bar to find out what the fuck.

“I’m just helping out Sharon,” he’ll say. His name’s Mark. “She won’t be home in time.”

“Yeah well you may get to fuck my ex-girlfriend, but you do not get to walk my dog.”

Punch him in the face, then grab the leash and take off with Leanne. Leanne can’t run very fast because she’s a Corgi, so Mark will catch up with you and punch you in the back, sending you rolling on the sidewalk. You’ll get tangled in Leanne’s leash.

Mark will try to tug the leash away from you but it will be wrapped up in your legs. Use his struggle as an opportunity to send a few jabs into his stomach. He’ll double over, and the two of you will be sprawled on the sidewalk with Leanne growling and barking for you to stop.

“So what, you have a key to Sharon’s apartment now?” ask him.

Mark will nod.

Scratch Leanne behind the ears.

“You taking good care of her?”

“I really like Sharon,” Mark will say. “She’s in good hands with me. I won’t hurt her. Promise.”

“I meant Leanne,” tell him. “Sharon’s an asshole and she’ll hurt you way before you get the chance to hurt her. Are you taking care of my dog?”

Mark will say, “I love your dog.”

You and Mark will both pet Leanne at the same time, you on her neck and Mark just above her rear flanks.

“You better,” tell him.

Get up and start to walk away. Mark will shout, “Hey!”

Turn around.

“I take her to the dog run every Saturday at 2,” he’ll say. “Just me. Sharon has a shift then.”

That’s how you and Mark become super-good best friends who remain super-good best friends even after Sharon breaks up with him three weeks from now.

Happy Fistfight Over Leanne Day!