You were abducted by an alien craft several years ago and it’s been unbelievably boring except for the Friday night magic show put on by an extremely talented alien. It was astounding. Instead of the usual sawing a lady in half stuff you would see back on Earth, he would turn people inside-out or make hats come out of rabbits. His best trick was to make everything turn into dogs.
You volunteered at every show and you couldn’t wait for the week to end so that you could see the lights go down on his theater once again. Tonight you arrived in the theater and were told there would be no show.
“He’s gone,” the alien with the weird hands told you.
He took his own life. Apparently he was told he’d have to give up his magic so that he could devote himself to the alien army. He couldn’t do it.
“I’d like to be returned to Earth,” you’ll tell your captors tonight. “This ship is so boring. Now that the one entertaining alien has killed himself, I won’t be able to handle living here anymore. I want to—”
The aliens will cause you to explode into a cloud of gas by thinking about it.
Happy The Alien Magician Died Day!