Because you look so mothereffing good in that minidress you’re going to find yourself on a private jet to Bermuda by ten p.m. tonight. The way it will happen is you’ll be in a bank when some thieves show up to stage a robbery. Unfortunately, one of the tellers will hit the alarm button (the teller will get shot in the head for that, a message to everyone else that these guys mean business). The police will come and it will turn into a full-scale hostage situation. The robbers will demand a private jet to Bermuda and they’ll decide to take one hostage with them. You’ll look so good in that minidress that there’s no way in hell they wouldn’t pick you. They just want to be near you for a little while longer, and even though they know deep down they’re probably never gonna make it to that beach, on the off chance that things might work out and they might get to see you in a bikini, it’s all but guaranteed they’re gonna drag you onto that plane with them.
So thanks to that minidress, and the way your body looks wrapped up in it, you might never see your husband and two kids again.
Happy Minidress Day!