You are a 70 year old virgin and you stopped trying to have sex with people several decades ago. You keep your virginity a secret because it embarrasses you. You even adopted kids way back when you were in your 40’s, just so that people might think you had sex once. Your kids learned after a while that the only reason you adopted them was to hide the fact that you’re a virgin, and they were pretty pissed about it so they put you in a home. Today’s your birthday, so they’re making the one of two visits they make per year (the other one’s on Christmas).
The visit will be uncomfortable as usual, with your two kids checking their watches to see how long they have left before they can leave. Your roommate will tell your son that he looks just like you, giving your son the opportunity to say, “Oh well that’s just a coincidence because I’m adopted. We both are.”
Your roommate will then say, “Both your kids are adopted eh? Haven’t you ever had sex?”
You’ll start to cry and that’s when the news will spread all over the nursing home that you’re a virgin. The teasing won’t stop until you die.
Happy The 70 Year Old Virgin Day!