Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Is That All There Is? Day!

You’ve been trying to come up with a fun catchphrase to use at work, at home, and on the racquetball court. Well throw away the drawing board, because from here on in you’re going to be the “Is that all there is?” guy!

Some examples for usage:

The big sales meeting has ended. You’ve just learned that your division’s profit is up by 6% and the merger with London is almost guaranteed to go through. When everyone is ready for you to give them the sign to break for lunch, take a moment. Place your hands on the conference table and stare down at the floor, not blinking so that your eyes turn a little red. Then look up, stare deep into the distance and ask, “Is that all there is?”

You and your wife have just finished dinner. You worked together in the kitchen to make a delicious plate of lamb chops and cauliflower. The candles are still burning. There’s just a nick of wine left in the bottle and the bedroom is calling your names. Take a moment. Stare down at the remains on your plate, then look up and into the candle flame. Look at it like you can see the next fifty years of your life contained in that tiny flame. Ask, “Is that all there is?”

You’ve just been in a car accident. Your car was totaled but you’re fine. The other car exploded with its passengers inside. They are presently running frantically along the median, engulfed in flame. Stare past their firey chaos and ask, “Is that all there is?”

Your first child was just born! Your wife is sobbing. The doctor is laughing, holding the healthy baby boy up for the both of you to see. Let go of your wife’s hand, stare past the baby and ask, “Is that all there is?”

You only have one package of Oreo Cakesters left in the cabinet. Stare past the single package and ask, “Is that all there is?”

You’ve just been told there’s nothing the doctors can do for you and you’ll be dead within the hour. With your final breaths, gasp and wheeze your hilarious catch phrase one last time. “Is… [cough cough] that… [vomit blood, vomit bile, some more blood] all… [die]

Happy Is That All There Is? Day!