Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Start Throwing Up And Never Stop Day!

To pull this off, you need to hear some kind of news that would trigger the kind of nausea that would doom you to a lifetime of endless and uninterrupted vomiting. Like maybe you just found out the woman for whom you’ve always held an unrequited love is going to marry the guy who tricked you into thinking you were the prom king in high school only so you he could shoot a watercannon full of diarrhea into your mouth when you started to give your acceptance speech. You already can’t think of that guy without remembering all that diarrhea you ingested that night in front of all your peers, which made you vomit quite a bit in its own right. But that guy also represents everything in life that you’re against. He is the embodiment of all that is base and shallow and hurtful. So when you hear that the girl you love is going to marry that guy, it makes all your hopes for there to be some sort of order to your existence come crashing down. What is beautiful and right and true can love pure, wretched evil, and what’s in your heart means nothing to the world around you. That alone makes you want to puke, but then you remember the taste of the diarrhea and it just starts coming and never stops. You die in 80 hours because you can’t constantly puke for very long without dying.

Happy Start Throwing Up And Never Stop Day!