Thursday, September 06, 2007

Man You Are Really Into Egg McMuffins Day!

You decided to start a website devoted to the wonder and beauty of the McDonalds Egg McMuffin, hoping that maybe there will be other people out there who also love Egg McMuffins who have been looking for someplace where they can get together and meet people who have similar interests.

“Here’s my online shrine to the Egg McMuffin,” your homepage reads. “Hope all you other McMuffin lovers enjoy my little world wide McMuffin club, and maybe we can all get together and talk about our first experience with the Egg McMuffin and why it turned us into devoted followers of the McMuffin’s many travels and adventures over the decades. I’ll start:

When I was eleven my babysitter gave me a handjob while she was eating an Egg McMuffin. Occasionally she’d use both hands, but she wouldn’t put her half-eaten McMuffin down, she’d just hold it in her finger and thumb while stroking me with her palm. The McMuffin grazed my penis several times and later I found cheese on my little shaft. It was my very first sexual experience, and I have enjoyed Egg McMuffins ever since. Now you!”

Your visitors will arrive by the millions and they’ll all pretty much have had the same experience. Eventually you’ll start receiving threats because you don’t have a page where people can post McMuffin fan fiction. You’ll create one, but it will be too late and that’s why one of your website fans is going to kidnap your son tonight.

Happy Man You Are Really Into Egg McMuffins Day!