Today you’ll be on the second day of a four day trip back to Minnesota after a job down south and you’ll be about ready to drive into a ditch just to relieve the boredom when you spot a pretty girl in her twenties holding up her thumb for a ride (it happens!). You’ll pick her up and you and her will get along really well, talking about music and movies and roads that seem like they’re going to be perpetually under construction (she grew up not far from where you grew up). That night, you’ll pull into a motel and they’ll only have one room left and she’ll say that’s cool with her, she needs to save money anyway. So you’ll share a room and you’ll do it with her then she’ll start talking about her Uncle Mick and you’ll say, “I guess everybody’s got an Uncle Mick.” Then she’ll start talking about Uncle Mick’s wife, Aunt Evy, and you’ll say, “I guess everyone’s Uncle Mick’s got a wife named Evy.” Then she’ll talk about how Uncle Mick lost his right leg to cancer and how Aunt Evy supplements his disability payments with her job selling appliances. That’s when you’ll realize you just fucked your cousin and you’ll make a vow that you’re not going to pick up hitchhikers anymore, no matter how bored you get. It’s just too dangerous.
Happy You’re Not Going To Pick Up Hitchhikers Anymore Day!