Sunday, October 03, 2004

Medicine Man Day!

This year's bake sale is going to be no different than the last five years. No one's going to buy any of your rice crispie treats.

"Folks don't know that I'm not only all about conjuring spells and bone-crumbling potions. Of course I am also a very skilled baker."

True, giving it some thought it would make sense that your sweet confections would be just as effective at tweaking the sweet tooth as your pupil searing poison is at bleaching eyeballs dead white.

"Whatever. Their loss. More treats for me."

You could always threaten people. Perhaps if you told them they must purchase and consume your treats right before your eyes or you'll spike the village well with an odorless impotence potion.

"No way. You'd be surprised at the placebo effect of fear. Someone could bite into my completely harmless yet delicious rice crispy treats and drop dead there on the spot just because their minds have convinced their hearts to stop. No shit. It's how my wife died."

You were married?

"Briefly. She had a sick sister. Her parents came to me for a healing but they had no money. I told them I'd take their other daughter's hand in marriage as payment and they went for it."

Did you two get along.

"As well as you might guess. Anyway, one night I decided to surprise her by having dinner ready for her when she came home. She couldn't refuse me, as my wife. But she did assume that I had decided to poison her. And her fear sent her into a shock that I couldn't rescue her from."

That's a sad story. Yours must be a pretty lonely life.

"I have my surprises."

Happy Medicine Man Day!