Thursday, October 07, 2004

Gunfight Day!

Chicks with guns is pretty awesome all around. Two chicks with guns in holsters who want to settle something once and for all walking away from each other for fifty paces, that’s too good to be true.

Melanie and Josephine both like George. Melanie liked, and slept with, him first. But the minute Melanie went out of town, Josephine hit that. When Melanie found out, she and Josephine asked George which girl was for him. George said, "I don't care." So Josephine and Melanie agreed to resolve the situation by shooting at each other according to the dictates of the Duel, a traditional dispute-resolution structure that has been in use at their high school since the 1980's.

Neither Melanie nor Josephine has ever fired, or held, a handgun. Being as they are each using five-chamber revolvers, and they will be firing from a distance of fifty paces, it will be a miracle if one of them manages to hit her target before she runs out of ammunition or the gun malfunctions. If by chance one of them does hit her target, the other could either be wounded or die, and George will go to the girl still standing. If neither of the girls hits her target, they will abandon their firearms to engage in a Catfight, a traditional dispute-resolution structure that has been in use at their high school since 1891, when Clementine Bartholomew caught her promised Mortimer Rothschild getting a handjob from Jezebel Smead behind the Homecoming Butter Churn.

Happy Gunfight Day!