Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Your Kid's Piggy Bank Is Empty Day!

This is warning sign number two that he's addicted to the pot. Warning sign number one was when he was rude to his mother the other night. And warning sign number three is on its way. That's when he'll run through the living room naked, tearing at his own flesh, screaming "GET EM OFF ME! GET EM OFF ME!"

Just so's you can kept an eye out, here are all of the warning signs that your kid's addicted to the pot:

4) You find him in his little sister's room, forcing the barrel of a semi-automatic weapon in between her teeth (she's 9).

5) Large black people on the front step.

6) Unraked leaves.

7) He can levitate.

8) He is dead and there's nothing you can do about it now because you didn't heed the warning signs.

9) He is fathering children left and right.

10) He talks endlessly about how awesome the pot is and how it's the best thing ever.

11) When you ask him if he wants to go play mini golf with you on the weekends he just doesn't seem all that interested.

12) He has withdrawn roughly $78,000 from your bank account.

13) Snot pours out of his nose like water from a spigot.

If your kid exhibits any or all, or hell, even none, of these signs, he's probably addicted to the pot and you should beat him with a ring of keys until he's better.

Happy Your Kid's Piggy Bank Is Empty Day!