Monday, August 02, 2004

Mud Wrestle Day!

People who don't follow the sport think that mud wrestling is just a vehicle for slippery women to rip each other's bikini tops off. This is accurate.

Today, tell Marjory Kleinfeld that the next time she loads the printer full of three-hole punch and forgets to replace it with a standard ream after her job has printed, you're going to settle shit up inside the ring. Marjory will break your threatening stare and load up the printer full of three-hole punch, then she'll print one page, hand it to you, and walk away smiling, having left the printer full to the brim with three-hole punch. The page she handed you will read, "Bring it, cocksuck."

Summertime is about lightness and funfun. Marjory knows that and so do you. That's why you're both popping with anticipation to scrabble around in that pit of muck until the clothing has been ripped from your bosoms. After which point, one of you will climb atop the other's shoulders to welcome anyone who thinks they can take the two of you on in a topless mud-chicken fight. Immediately following the fights, shower up and hit the bar until you're all drunk enough to cheat on your spouses. The Office Before The Home, Know What's Right.

Happy Mud Wrestle Day!