Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Arranged Marriages Are Bad Day!

You're bored and thirty one. Your mother is bored and disappointed in you. Your father is trying to stave off death with some affairs and some brazen embezzlement. You're taking suggestions.

Which is why you didn't object when your Mom started talking about arranging a marriage for you. She joined this group of mothers who wanted to change their adult children's lives for the better by making their adult children's lifemate decisions for them. Basically, it was a bunch of Moms who were going to mix and match their kids into marriage. As was previously stated, you were bored. And you saw it as just a slightly more aggressive set-up situation.

Problem is, and a blind dead person could've seen this coming, but at the big arranged marriage mixer party, you were introduced to your mate-for-life and you found her to be loathsome. But you met Marty Cooperman's mate-for-life (JULIE!) and you thought she was aces, tits to toes, and she thought the same about you. You asked your Mom to ask THE COUNCIL if you and Julie could be set-up, but the Moms on THE COUNCIL said hells no. Their reasoning was that when you signed on for an arranged marriage, you agreed to submit to their pairing process.

"Everyone who mates according to our decree will only mate for the better," Mrs. Gamberslee, head of the council, declared just before banging her gavel (she just brought it in with her one day)(drunk with power).

What's going to happen is love is going to try to prevail against reason. You and Julie won't be able to keep away from each other. THE COUNCIL is going to order you to cease contact. Julie's gonna pretend to have killed herself, so you're going to kill yourself for reals, then Julie's gonna kill herself for reals, and your Dad's gonna go to jail for falsifying quarterly earnings statements.

Happy Arranged Marriages Are Bad Day!