Friday, July 12, 2002

Feast Upon Your Regret Like It's The Lifelong Scourge Upon Your People, Responsible For The Death Of Your Extended Family, At Long Last Slain And Roasted Upon A Spit At The Foot Of A Simmering Volcano Day!
Of course everything would have worked out much better had you minored in Japanese Literature as opposed to Theater Studies. Well don't just sigh and think, "If only Banana Yoshimoto didn't write such shitty books. Then I might not dig fucking kids so much." Actually let that decision take the form of a centuries-old twelve foot wilderbeast that could sweep into your village like a cold wind through the joins of the perimeter wall, stealing away the young and the old indiscriminately, only to leave them torn wide and stretched like a throw rug deep in the thicket. Well a mysterious drifter (Costner) recently arrived to the village, pursuant to an agreement to slay the beast in an exchange for gasoline, has returned from battle victorious with the gargantuan carcass in tow. The drifter died of his wounds before he could receive his reward, adding that much more weight to the celebration of the beast's demise. Feed upon its body. It will sustain you for as long as you can stand the bitter taste. Just as a village can gorge upon such a pestilence, so can one father's regret feed an entire family for years and years until a glass of arsenic is placed upon a death bed's nightstand. Pass the pepper, yo.