Thursday, June 14, 2012

Your High School Got Together And Named You Boyfriend Of The Year Day!

But that wasn’t one of the categories in the yearbook questionnaire.

“Screw the yearbook questionnaire,” Jenny the yearbook editor says. It’s a surprise to see her so devil-may-care because Jenny is all about the yearbook. “We didn’t want to graduate without you being recognized. Your love for Pauline is an inspiration. We’re all going to look for men in college who treat us the way you’ve treated Pauline.”

Just spit it out.

“Pauline and I broke up.”

They all gasp.

“This morning,” tell them. “I decided that there’s no point in being her boyfriend if it’s not going to earn me any awards or accolades. Wish I’d known you were planning this.”

They all start talking at once, and after lots of shouting and bickering it’s agreed that you should call Pauline and ask her if she’d like to give it another chance.

“Will you take back the award if I don’t?” you ask.

They caucus and decide that no, you can keep the award regardless since it was based on your performance as boyfriend during the school year.

“Then I’m good,” you say. “Time to focus on numero uno, if you know what I’m saying.”

You point your thumb at yourself just to make it clear.

“Fine,” Jenny says. “But just so you know, having given you this award, and then watching you behave this way, it’s really not going to help us in our future relationships.”

And it won’t. Everyone, every single person in that room, will get at least one divorce in their lifetimes. Except for you. You’ll be dead next year. Campus shooting.

Happy Your High School Got Together And Named You Boyfriend Of The Year Day!