Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Avoid The Common Pitfalls Of Cheating On Your Boyfriend Day!

Pity. Don’t show your boyfriend any pity because you know how cheated on he is. You can’t say stuff like, “I feel so sorry for you” or he’ll start to wonder why and he might think it’s because you’re cheating.

Scattered knives. The guy you cheat on your boyfriend with probably keeps a knife in his boot or in a sheath strapped to the small of his spine and he’ll most likely take it off when he has sex with you in your house. Make sure he takes his knives with him so when your boyfriend comes home he doesn’t find a knife and think, “Hey this isn’t one of my knives. I am suspicious.”

New addictions. You and your boyfriend probably enjoy the same drug and alcohol addictions or you wouldn’t be together. You might be compelled to take on some of the addictions of the guy you cheat on him with just to make him feel more at home with you while you’re having your affair. Don’t. If your boyfriend sees you doing a new drug or drinking lots of alcohol when you normally only enjoy pills, he’ll wonder who exposed you to the new experience and then, ugh, the questions!

Gross new sex moves. Your side-ass will probably teach you how to bend yourself in different ways and he’ll ask you to rub yourself on parts of him you never thought to, and you’ll want to bring that home to your boyfriend to show him all the stuff you’ve learned. Rookie mistake! Your boyfriend and you decided a long time ago exactly what gets shoved where during sex. If you deviate from the plan, he’ll worry there are other penises.

Screaming wrong names. If your boyfriend and your secret mount have different names, you have to make sure you don’t shout the wrong one during sex or when something is about to hit your boyfriend in the head. Learn your boyfriend’s name really well. Use flashcards or iPhone reminders.

New diseases. If neither you nor your boyfriend have ever had AIDS, and then you catch AIDS from your covert piece, you can try to act like you’ve had it all along and you just never bothered to tell your boyfriend, but that might not work. Just to be safe, don’t catch AIDS.

A whole bunch of new stuffed animals all of a sudden. “WHERE DID ALL THESE NEW STUFFED ANIMALS COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN??!” That’s what your boyfriend will shout if you bring home a bunch of new stuffed animals that your secret hottie won for you by playing the hoop toss at the carnival. Boyfriends know where new stuffed animals come from. Boys! Stuff them all down a sewer before going home.

Finally, hickeys. Use coverup.

You’re ready. Sneak out the bathroom window and start cheating!

Happy Avoid The Common Pitfalls Of Cheating On Your Boyfriend Day!