Thursday, August 20, 2009

You're Tom Sizemore Day!

Today when you go to your local diner to get breakfast you're going to swear while you eat even though you're alone because you're Tom Sizemore. A child will be seated at the table next to you and you'll apologize to the child's mother for swearing. Then you'll get angry that you had to apologize to anybody and you'll throw your plate at the window and stalk out like a fast moving Frankenstein because you're Tom Sizemore.

Outside the diner, you'll pick up a newspaper box and throw it into the street. Then you'll run over to the box and check inside it to see if there's any toast or toys inside. Pissed off that the box is only holding newspapers, you'll sit in the middle of the street and sob at clouds.

A woman will shake you awake and you'll know by the light in the sky that you've been asleep in the middle of the street for several hours. "You're Tom Sizemore," she'll say.

She'll leave without waiting for you to confirm her accusation. You'll get up and run headfirst into a wall and fall down on your rear end. You'll get up and run headfirst into the wall again, not so hard this time though. You'll stay on your feet.

"Tom Sizemore has his wits about him now," you'll say to yourself. You'll spot a woman going into labor so you'll deliver her baby. Then you'll climb a fence and fall thirty feet into a construction pit. You'll live, but you won't wake up again until the next morning when you're not Tom Sizemore anymore.

Happy You're Tom Sizemore Day!