Monday, August 31, 2009

Asshole Love Triangle Day!

You are in love with Jenny but Jenny isn't sure if she's ready to commit to you, so you're dating Sheila who really wants you, but Sheila can tell how you feel for Jenny. Meanwhile, Sheila and Jenny kind of find each other attractive, but they hate each other because of all the confusion over where your heart lies.

If it all sounds like a confusing, frustrating, super-compelling mess of a love triangle, it isn't. That's because all three of you are assholes and no one really cares who assholes end up with. You could torture each other all you want but it doesn't really matter. Even though you might think it's love that's making you crazy, everyone knows that asshole love isn't real. Anything that goes on inside the heart or mind of an asshole is just asshole bullshit that sucks.

So stop freaking out over whether you should be with Jenny or Sheila. Nothing you feel is real or valid. When the world would be better off if you didn't exist, you blurting out the wrong name during sex really doesn't count as a big event in the scheme of things. Additionally, if you all kill each other in a jealous rage, cool.

Happy Asshole Love Triangle Day!