'And then Moses said, I'd rather be fishing,' you tell your bible study class. 'And then the most majestic fishing rod appeared in his hands, and Zeus and Pegasus and King Arthur started applauding and saying, 'Go catch a big one, Mo.'
Leon, the most Jesus-y in the class, slams his fist on his desk and shouts, 'What you know about the bible I could fit on one of my pubes.'
'Prayer time,' you say. 'Everybody pray quietly.'
'No!' Leon will say. 'Tell us who you are and why you're teaching bible study here at the school for boys.'
'I admit,' you admit to them, 'I faked my way in here because the job offered free room and board, and I don't like to have to pay for things like room or board. But while my intentions were to deceive, since I've been here my eyes have been opened. I've really learned a lot about Jazziz.'
'Jesus!' Leon will shout, exasperated.
'Jesus. Right. Sorry. Wasn't it Jesus who said, Don't tell on your teachers. Or else you'll rot in hell?'
Leon will relent. 'Fine, we won't tell on you,' he'll say. 'But you really have to try and teach this class. No more just showing us old Martin Scorcese movies and telling us to find the parts where the Italians get all religious. Put together a lesson plan.'
'I will. Tomorrow,' tell him. 'For today. Mean Streets!'
The bible class will erupt in a cheer.
Happy You Never Read The Bible Day!