Monday, March 26, 2007

Try To Get Some Free Chili Day!

With the recent turmoil surrounding the Department of Health and all the vermin sightings in fast food restaurants, everyone is a little on edge. It’s really easy to get free chili from places like Wendy’s in this kind of environment. Just chop off someone’s finger and bring the finger with you into Wendy’s when you order some chili. After you eat half of the bowl, drop the finger into the bowl and swish it around, then bring the bowl up to the manager and say, “Look! A Finger! What are you guys trying to pull?”

“You probably cut that finger off yourself and dropped it in that bowl,” the manager will say.

“Maybe I did. And maybe I didn’t. You want the media to decide?”

The manager will say, “Anything. I’ll give you anything if you’ll keep this quiet.”

“I’d like my money back for a start.”

“You got it!” the manager will say.

“And a large Frosty.”

The manager will hesitate.

“You don’t want me to go pointing any fingers do you?”

The manager will hasten to pour you a Frosty.

“And I’d like my finger back,” tell him. He’ll use a spoon to fish the finger out of the bowl and put it on your tray with your Frosty. Go to your table and drink half of the Frosty, then drop the finger into the cup and bring it up to the manager and demand another Frosty, or else you’ll squeal.

“My God,” the manager will say. “I am completely at your mercy. With that severed finger in your possession, you can take whatever you want from the restaurant. I’m helpless aren’t I?”

“Even without the finger,” you’ll say. Then you’ll show him the plastic bag of turds you brought with you. “I drop one of these babies on top of my baked potato and you can bet Action News would be taking my phone calls. I own you.”

The restaurant manager will run screaming through the storefront window. Ask for the assistant manager and explain what’s what.

Happy Try To Get Some Free Chili Day!