Today, while speaking to investors during the quarterly state of the company conference call, you're going to crap your pants. Everyone listening in on the conference call will hear the sound of someone crapping their pants and speculation will run rampant as to whether or not it was you and whether you crapped your pants because you saw a statement of losses the company has been hit with. Rumors will go out over the web, with people describing the deep, throaty sound of the pants crapping as the kind that could only come from someone with your husky build. Analysts will begin to downgrade your stock. 'When a chairman craps his pants like that, things can only be going from bad to worse. Sell!' To end the panic, you're going to have to admit that, yes, you crapped your pants, but it was only because a ghost walked into the room and pointed straight at you. The ghost looked like he might have been a member of one of the tribes your company displaced in South America in order to build a weapons plant. Everyone will feel reassured that the company is doing well. You'll slowly go mad.
Happy The Chairman Had An Accident Day!