Tuesday, January 30, 2007

You Used To Fuck Him When You Worked At Kinko's Day!

It's always awkward when you bump into someone you used to fuck when you worked at Kinko's. You'll usually see him at a bar or some other nightspot and he�ll always come on really strong really fast, hoping for another shot. You try to brush him off but he keeps pushing and you end up having to explain, "it was just a Kinkos thing."

"We were underpaid. The customer service standard was negligible. It was 3 AM and we had that big storeroom," you'll say. "Come on, man. It was just Kinko's."

That will usually get through, and after that he'll buy you a drink and toast "to Kinko's!" with you.

Today is going to be a different story. Today you're going to bump into Bryan at a florist when you buy a funeral bouquet for your boss' wife's father. Bryan will be waiting at the counter while a bouquet is being dressed for him.

"I'm a paralegal now," you'll say to him.

"I'm a sales rep for a company that manufactures paint thinners," he'll say.

You and Bryan only did it twice before he got fired for disabling the alarm on the back door. You did it on each of two consecutive shifts that you worked together. When you came in for the third shift and the manager told you Bryan wouldn't be coming back, you were surprised to realize that you had been looking forward to doing it with Bryan again. You even called him that day to find out what happened, but he didn't answer and you didn't leave a message. It felt like you would have been violating some sort of code if you had left a message. Kinko's employees are not supposed to let the Kinko's life bleed into their real lives.

The florist will hand Bryan his bouquet and he'll hand over his credit card.

"Those flowers for me?" you'll ask. With your eyes, you'll try to tell Bryan to invite you out for a drink.

"My girlfriend," he'll say. "We had a fight."

"She'd better watch herself," you'll say.

Bryan will smile. Then he'll lean in and kiss you on the cheek. "It was just Kinko's, you know?"

You'll nod and blush. It will be quite a surprise to be on the receiving end of that for once. You'll worry for a second that you might cry.

After Bryan leaves, you'll order your funeral bouquet. Then you'll ask the florist if he has Bryan's address on file. If so, have a bouquet of roses sent to his home so that his girlfriend will think he's cheating and maybe she'll break it off with him. Then maybe you and Bryan can see if it's possible for a Kinko's thing to turn into something real.

Happy You Used To Fuck Him When You Worked At Kinko's Day!