Thursday, January 04, 2007

Airport Girlfriend Day!

For the past four months you've been emailing with a girl who lives in Europe. You tell your friends that she's your girlfriend, but they don't believe you. So you sent her $700 to fly in today and prove to your friends once and for all that she's real.

Gather your friends by the gate and warn them not to be dicks. "I mean it," tell them. "If you guys are dicks I'm not driving you home." Your friends will swear to be cool.

When your girlfriend steps through the gate, all of your friends will look at their printouts of the email you sent them containing her photo. They'll be shocked to find that very girl walking towards you with a big smile on her face.

"He really does have a girlfriend!" one of your friends will shout.

"Not so fast. Maybe she just wants to be friends," another will respond. "The only way to truly tell if a girl is your girlfriend is if she lets you touch her butt while you kiss her."

You'll be pretty nervous about your very first real-world kiss with her (you both have web-cams), but your girlfriend won't let your nerves get the best of you. She'll march right up and plant her lips on yours. You'll almost get lost in the kiss when you hear one of your friends clear his throat. When you move your hand to your girlfriend�s butt, your friends will gasp.

"I guess he really does have a girlfriend," you'll hear one of them say.

"That's amazing. Look, his hand's still there," another will add.

"He's my hero now," another will say of you. "I want to be just like him and get a girl to let me do stuff."

Finally, you and your girlfriend will stop kissing and you'll introduce her to your friends. Her flight back to Europe won't leave for another ninety minutes, time enough for some chicken fajitas at the airport Mexican bar and grill. You and your girlfriend will sit at your own table, and your friends will sit nearby so they can watch you.

When it's time for her to go to her gate, you'll be surprised at how sad you are. You'll start talking about how maybe you should just go with her, but your friends will tell you that you can't because they need a ride home. Finally, you'll say goodbye and head back to your car with your friends trailing behind you, all of them looking upon you as if you're some kind of God who has come down to earth to teach them how a life is to be lived.

Happy Airport Girlfriend Day!