Thursday, May 18, 2006

You Live With A Bunch Of Teenagers Without Any Parental Supervision Day!

You are all extraordinarily attractive and all of your parents are dead. Instead of being thrown into the Foster Care doom cycle, you all made a pact to take care of each other and pitch in to sustain a household together.

There have been some wrinkles along the way. A love triangle took hold for a while, pitting two of the boys against each other as they competed for one of the girls, who eventually settled things when she refused to date either of them because she was saving herself for someone who doesn't live in her house. Another time, a boy began experimenting with drugs, and one of the girls went bulimic like it was on sale. You all had to pitch in to help them through their struggles, but it worked out and you all learned something about teamwork, drugs, bulimia, struggle, and pitching in which falls under "teamwork." It was all going swimmingly, with everyone doing their homework and scoring some great report cards, until today.

Today you'll discover that George, the statuesque Greek boy, is wired for sound. You'll call an emergency meeting.

"He's with social services, man!" Kevin will shout. "He's gotta go."

Kevin's a hothead, but it will be clear that George has been feeding information to the Department of Social Services, helping them build a case to send you all into foster care. You'll all agree that George will have to be taken care of, but that it should be done to send a message to anyone else thinking about squawking. The chore wheel will be checked, and it will show that George will be doing dishes two nights from now. Since he does dishes with his shirt off, that's the night when you can be sure that he's not wired. Put a bullet in his head that night, then stuff an unsigned permission slip for a field trip into his mouth. When they find his body, that unsigned permission slip will let everyone know that if you're working with social services, you're gonna be left behind.

Happy You Live With A Bunch Of Teenagers Without Any Parental Supervision Day!