Thursday, May 25, 2006

Asshole On The Ladder Day!

Today on your way to work you'll pass underneath that asshole stonemason up on his ladder tending to a building's facade like he has been every day for almost a month now. And just like every day, when you walk under his ladder, he'll say, 'Uh oh! Looks like someone's in for some bad luck.'

You hate asshole stonemasons, so today you're going to have a little fun with him. When he shouts his trite drivel down at you through that big toothy grin of his, walk back and circle the base of his ladder three times.

'What's that you're doing?' he'll ask, trying to look down your shirt while you walk your circle.

'Reversing the luck,' tell him. 'When you walk under a ladder, if you circle it counter-clockwise three times, the bad luck is transferred back to the person on the ladder. Have a fun day!'

The stonemason will say, 'Hey.' But you'll resume your walk to work. When you're about a block away you'll hear him shout again, 'Hey!' with a little more fear in his voice.

When you're about two and a half blocks away, he'll shout 'HEY!' with all the terror of a man begging for his life. You'll go to work happy.

On your way home, the stonemason will stop you and demand that you reverse his bad luck again. 'I keep stepping in dog crap!' he'll exclaim. Tell him you don't know how.

Tomorrow on your way to work, the stonemason will have bandages all over his fingertips from where he hit them with his hammer. He'll again plead with you to reverse his bad luck. Tell him again that you simply don't know how and continue on your way to work.

On your way home tomorrow night, you'll find the stonemason sitting on the sidewalk begging for change. Apparently he'll have gotten fired during the day. Once again, he'll beg you to reverse his luck. Simply shrug at the man and head home.

The following morning, you'll find the stonemason is missing a leg. 'A safe fell on it,' he'll say. 'For Christ's sake, reverse my luck.' Tell him there's nothing you can do and move on.

On your way home, he'll present you with a dead girl cradled in his arms. 'My daughter turned to drugs the day you circled my ladder. And now she's gone and overdosed. Please, deliver no more pain unto me. Reverse my bad luck.'

You'll feel very sorry for what has befallen the man, and you'll quickly reverse his luck by walking backwards up and down a nearby stairwell three times. You'll apologize to him for having caused his daughter to die.

'Shows how smart you are,' he'll say. At that, the little girl will pop back to life and blow a raspberry at you.

'Did we fool her, Daddy?' the little girl will ask her father

'That's right baby,' the stonemason will say. 'She reversed my luck for me.'

The stonemason will laugh in your face and tell you what an idiot you are. Then you'll watch him hobble away on his one remaining leg, using his daughter as a crutch, occasionally stopping to ask passersby for change, and you'll be glad you reversed his luck before it went too far.

Happy Asshole On The Ladder Day!