Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Sports Heroes Day!

The Sports Heroes are up in a cabin today, remembering the good times.

"Remember when Stucky caught that ball?" the one Sports Hero will say about another Sports Hero named Stucky.

"That was nothing. I remember when Boomer scored that winning point and won the game," a Sports Hero will say about Boomer, who is also a Sports Hero, but who died 16 years prior when it was his time to be euthanized in a cabin.

Hoops, the tallest Sports Hero in the cabin, will say, "Nothing beats the day that Stretch, Mookie, and Titsface ran all the way to home plate, one after the other, and increased their team's score by three."

Everyone will agree that that was an exciting time while a nurse prepares the injections. They all knew this day would come. They've had the date looming over them ever since they made it to the majors. Nevertheless, they all wish they could just have a little more time.

"I tried to pack so much partying in before the big day, I forgot to raise my kids," Whammer will say from his rocking chair.

"It just doesn't seem right," William the Refrigerator Perry will say. "Sports Heroes being forced to commit suicide in groups of twelve every five years I mean."

"Brand control, they say," Slider will say. "We live too long, the young guys get lost in our shadow."

Captain Fastball will snort derisively. "Just tryin' to sell them ugly sneakers," he'll say.

"This is a mighty nice cabin, I must say," Ballthrower will say. "I heard Gamewinner took his shot here too."

The others will start shouting out the names of all the Sports Heroes who died in the very rocking chairs that they're occupying. Then the nurse will come around and inject sodium pentothal into their arms, one by one, until the cabin is silent.

Happy The Sports Heroes Day!