Friday, May 26, 2006

The Gay-Ass Emo Band That Can Fly Day!

Your gay-ass emo band is getting pretty good. But there are a whole lot of bands out there whose members are all under five feet tall and whose songs are all fucking gay. Every day, a hundred new Myspace profiles are created for a hundred new emo bands who all scream really loud about girls. You're not going to be able to stand out from the pack just on the basis of your gay-ass music and your super-gay-as-shit tattoos. You're going to have to be the gay-ass emo band that can fly. Pitch it to the other guys.

'Do we have to play while we fly?' Ronnie the bass player will ask. He'll be sobbing without explaining why.

'Yes,' tell him. 'We have to play while we fly.'

'Do we have to save people?' Rickie the drummer will ask. Rickie will be drawing a girl's name in a little heart on the back of a notebook.

'Only at our concerts,' tell Rickie. 'And only if our being able to fly is necessary to their being saved. We'd probably be held liable if we were able to save someone from danger at one of our concerts but refused.'

Joey, the lead guitarist, who will be dabbing at the cut on his face where he got punched by the football player who's going out with the girl he loves, will ask, 'What about the music?'

Tell him that the flying is just to get people to notice the band, then the music will win their devotion.

'Okay,' Joey will say. 'What about heat vision?'

Tell Joey that you're an emo band, not a bunch of whores. 'We'll play music and we'll fly around, but we're not going to compromise principals. Now everyone up on the roof for practice.'

Happy The Gay-Ass Emo Band That Can Fly Day!