Wafer Thin Excuses Day!
Your wife says she got caught in the middle of a liquor store holdup and that's why she couldn't make it home in time for your birthday party.
"Should I explain this to all of my coworkers? My boss? My parents? That you got caught in the middle of a liquor store holdup?"
Tap your foot accusingly.
"I thought about making a move for his gun," she'll say. "But this guy had a lotta crazy in his eyes."
Don't say anything until she does. She'll say, "Feel like this is the first day of the rest of my life really." She'll pop a stuffed mushroom in her mouth. "Food tastes really awesome."
Say, "It tasted even better when it was hot."
She'll say, "Wow, that would have been something. If my food tasted better because I cheated death and I got to bite into a fresh hot stuffed mushroom like this one."
You should sigh.
"But then in order for me to cheat death the food would have to get a little cold really."
Wait for it.
"Heh, heh," she says. "Cold canapés, but really good cold canapés."
Raise one eyebrow as if to say, Don't gimme no guff.
"It's your brother. We're in love."
Happy Wafer Thin Excuses Day!