Sunday, January 23, 2005

Fire In The Reality Show House Day

Fire In The Reality Show House Day!

Marcus the sexist bodybuilder started it with all those candles he lights in his room every time he brings a waitress home with him. He and the waitress fell asleep. The waitress got out, but Marcus is still in there as the firemen continue to drench the flames from the street. All of America watches.

Still in the house: Nina, the touring acrobat; Bex, the raging alcoholic who gets naked every chance she gets; Kevin, the cartoonist; Freakwide, the rapper; and Lucien, the guy with the prosthetic leg who wants to open his own bar.

On the sidewalk, huddling under flame-retardant blankets: Maxine, the illustrator; Beebo, the pastry chef; that fashion designer chick who broke up with her boyfriend on camera; and Boris, the investment banker.

America thinks Maxine is full of shit, screaming and sobbing about how her roommate Bex is still stuck in there when just last week Maxine confessed in the Gripe Closet that Bex was driving her out of her mind and that she was arranging an alliance with Boris to get her booted. And of course Beebo is the one to wrap his arms around her to calm her down. Beebo's been shot down by every chick in the house, and now that most all of them are in the house being burnt to a crisp, he has no choice but to take a crack at Maxine. Meanwhile, Boris made a cell phone call explaining to someone that his laptop got stuck in the fire and he'd need a new one in the morning. Unfortunate that the camera caught that call. The fashion designer chick is being really helpful, running to get water and blankets for the people evacuated from the neighboring house. She's really showing some leadership skills that, under normal circumstances, would have totally earned her immunity from next week's elimination.

What America wants to know but is too ashamed to ask is this: If most of the residents of the house burn to death, does the show continue on with those remaining alive? It would be pretty anti-climactic to go from twelve contestants to just four or five in a week's time, and it would be hard to pit them against each other in a Creativity Challenge without allowing them enough time to mourn for those who perished. But someone has to win that fleet of Mini-Coopers.

Happy Fire In The Reality Show House Day!