Tuesday, February 03, 2004

New Boys Day!

Four important new boys will enter your life before April 12, 2005. One will be violent.

Jacob. He'll work at a bookstore for God's sake. You're gonna meet him December 9th, 2004 at around one PM. He'll only be 25. Jacob will be a "kind of artist." He'll take you to a performance night that an acquaintance of his will have put together in a giant loft with no furniture in it. You'll wander alone through all the various "exhibits" for hours and hours. You'll only be by Jacob's side for ten minutes while at the show. Eight when you arrive. Two before you go home and sleep with him. You'll see Jacob a few times over the course of the following month (not on New Year's). You'll never go on a date again. You'll just go to his apartment and spend the night when you find yourself in his neighborhood. When he stops answering his phone, you'll decide to never set foot in Plan B Books again.

Tim. Tim will be rich. You won't be able to recoil quickly enough from the thought of what it would be like to marry someone rich. But you're not a bad person. Tim will be the violent one. On June 12, 2004, after dating for two months, you'll be at a summer home of a friend of Tim's. You'll get tired and decide to turn in before Tim is ready and you'll start to fight a bit. The fight will expand to cover a whole bunch of other crap, both of you just laundry listing what's not right. All of a sudden, wordlessly, Tim will grab you by the shoulders and shake you until your vision goes black. Then he'll shove your chest hard enough to drop you to the sand. You'll sleep on a couch in Tim's friend's house that night. The next day, you and Tim will drive home. He won't say a word. Neither will you. You'll get out at your apartment and if you look back, that will be the last time you ever see Tim before you die on September 9, 2023.

Maurice. He will insist that he hates the name Maurice but he won't answer to any sort of nickname. Maurice will have been close with your ex-husband after he left town. Your ex will have given Maurice your number so he can look you up and you can show Maurice around. The thought of romance with Maurice will enter your mind, of course, because Maurice will not be unsightly. And it will be exciting to think about having been set up for an affair by your ex-husband. But that won't be in the cards. Maurice will be a very funny and intelligent friend, but he will loathe himself. You and Maurice will spend every night for about two weeks together (May 11, 2004-May 24, 2004) before Maurice takes a job. After that, you'll ease into a comfortable, lifelong friendship. Maurice will be your "Bride's Maid" at your second wedding (August 1, 2010).

Neil. This is the one. Neil will be a writer who has always traveled on the outskirts of your circle of friends. One night, February 20, 2005, Neil will sit at a table at a bar and all of a sudden he'll just say "Hi, I'm Neil." For the rest of your life (September 9, 2023) not a day will go by that you don't take a moment to stop in your tracks and marvel at how so brief and bland a phrase could announce so vicious a twisting of your insides. Blonde, broke, drunk, Neil will talk to you until three AM on February 20, 2005. You'll go home with him. You'll stay in his home until February 24, 2005, and then you'll only leave to get some things out of your place. Your first year with Neil will be heaven. The clearest and plainest love you've ever felt. The days between April 16, 2006 and December 25, 2007 will be the worst of your entire life (September 9, 2023). After that, things will get a little better with Neil. But you'll split up early 2009. This is the one, though. You'll love again, but not like with Neil. Neil's gonna take you captive. It'll be hostile, even though you'll have surrendered.

Happy New Boys Day!