Monday, February 23, 2004

Bend The Spoon With Your Love Day!

Your girlfriend doesn't think you love her enough. She's been telling all your friends and your coworkers at the Coffee Cavern. "He says he loves me more than he's ever loved anybody. But his previous girlfriends were all real dim. Loving them would've amounted to saying, 'Whoah' to let them know they were about to walk in front of a bus."

She's gonna end it. No one will tell you that. But she's made it pretty clear. She's gonna end it unless you can prove that you love her more than George, her ex-boyfriend who got killed battling African jewel pirates for a diamond he wanted to give to her as an Easter present.

Now, it's clear that you don't love her enough. But she doesn't have to know that. She just needs some kind of physical evidence. And there's no better way to trick her into thinking you've got the goods than to tell her you're going to use your love to bend a spoon.

Hold a soup spoon up in front of her eyes and say, "I will not physically manipulate this spoon. But the affection I hold for you in my heart is about to enter into the world as an occurrence, a weather pattern, a force. The warmth of my love will turn to a blacksmith's fire around the spoon. The strength of my love will become a strong-man's fingertips. I will hold it only by its tail and will employ no force. This spoon shall bend. My love for you is what's gonna make it bend."

Then, while she's there watching with hopeful eyes, make the spoon bend over in two. But don't try to use your love. Use your mind.

Happy Bend The Spoon With Your Love Day!